Valentines Day One Liners

One Liners Jokes


What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton.”

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
“You’re fun to hang around with.”

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
No, but they had an apple.

What did the light bulb say to the switch?
“You turn me on.”

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste.

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
“I find you very attractive.”

What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
“Stick with me and we’ll go places.”

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
“I’m stuck on you.”

Christmas One Liners Jokes

Funny One Liners

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

What's red and white and red, red and white, and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail !

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want.

Why is Santa a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position.

Thanksgiving Funny One Liners

One Liner Jokes

What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream.

Mary-Jo: 'Why do you think that the Pilgrims sail from England to America?'
Joey: 'Because they missed their plane.'

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.

Why did the man invest in feathers?
He heard the stock market was going down.

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
I’ll let you know next week!

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY.

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.

When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary.

What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers.

Halloween Funny One Liners

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween.

Do zombies eat popcorn with fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
Because they're so wrapped up in themselves.

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure.