Father's Day Funny Quotes

Funny Quotations for Father's Day

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

"I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong."

"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was."

"I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started."

"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys."

"A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again."

"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

Happy Father's Day

Funny Army Quotes

“ Forgiving terrorist is left to God, But fixing their appointment with God is Our responsibility.”

“ Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange and interesting people, and kill them.”

“ The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.” — General George S. Patton

“ When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.” — Dick Gregory

“ All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time.” - Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC

“ We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.” — General Douglas MacArthur

“ Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?” — George Wallace

Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: “Is there anything that we can provide?”
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: “Send us more Japs!”
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.

Funny Picture Quote - I Work for Money

Funny Quote Pic

I work for Money
If you want loyalty - Hire a Dog.

Funny Valentines Quotes

Funny Love Quotes

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.”

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.”

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.”

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”

“Don’t threaten me with love, Baby. Let’s just go walking in the rain.”

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”

“Falling in love is so hard on the knees.”

“Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight.”

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”

Sales Ad at a Store: ‘You are my one and only’ valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.

Funny New Year Quotes

"New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time."

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions."

"He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool."

"Youth is when you are allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you are forced to."

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Years Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you are married to."